Taking It Back
Buried memories
lost in oceans
Far too deep to ever see
That little girl you stole
Doesn’t even know
Why she’s lonely
Slowly floating
Empty eyes look through the haze
Her scars are fleeting
Her heart is reaping
What you sowed
So long ago, but she’s not
Running from the monster
Invisible to her own mind
Innocence was taken
But she’s taking it back
She’s taking it back
No she’s not
Locked inside your dungeon
Bound by your chains
Stained from your lies
Innocence was taken
But she’s taking it back
She’s taking it back
This song was written with my little sister in mind. Her story is not mine to tell, so I won’t go into major detail.
However the song was written from a third person's perspective-my perspective. I will tell you my side of the
story.
I tend to write my feelings into songs. If I’m mad or sad or in love I write about it. Now I don’t purposefully sit
down and concentrate on writing a song, the lyrics just happen naturally while I’m driving or contemplating life
while in the shower. This particular song came to me while I was doing laundry. My thoughts tend to wander
when I’m doing laundry. I started to think about my sister. Moments before I had been talking to her, I don’t
remember what about, but she was happy. We laughed and talked and it just made me realize how far my
sister has come since we found out what had happened to her so long ago. The words just started flowing so
I grabbed a pen.
The song was written to her perpetrator. I want him to know what he did to her.
He stole her innocence. But you know what, she’s taking it back.
I watched my little sister suffer for years. 6 years to be exact, from a monster that was invisible to her own
mind. She wasn’t able to process what had happened to her when she was just a child, so her 11 year old
mind decided to forget as a way of self preservation. Even though on the surface she wasn’t able to
remember the actual events that had taken place, her subconscious did. She was horribly depressed, spent
most days in her bedroom, and only listened to heavy metal music. I remember thinking that her eyes just
looked empty. Hollow. She had no personality. She pushed everyone away, everyone including me. I wasn’t
allowed in her room and if by chance I went in anyway, she bluntly told me to leave. She didn’t want to talk.
Ever. Honestly I don’t remember what she used to be like before.
Ever. Honestly I don’t remember what she used to be like before.
Before she was raped. Before she was suicidal. Before she was 11 years old.
It’s all kind of a haze. What that man did caused so much pain. She became a shell of herself.
The Doctors, the psychiatrists, the medications. Over the course of 6 years my parents did everything they
could to figure out what was going on with her. Nothing seemed to help. No one could give us an answer. It
all felt very Hopeless, Dark. Consuming.
We had to hide the knives just in case.
I prayed for years that we would be able to help Jacinta get better, and every time I prayed that prayer I
believed. Someday she would. Someday all the pain and not knowing would be in the past. But someday
seemed so far off. Until that day came.
The day she remembered.
She was 17. Five years ago somehow seems like it was yesterday.
I was looking through some old pictures awhile back and found one of her when she was about 11 years old.
She was so young. She was so innocent. I still see that little girl when I look at her today. But the truth is she
is a 22 year old woman. My little sister is strong. She is beautiful and smart and witty, she is loving and caring
and I am so glad that I got the chance to get to know her again.
Once she was finally at a place where her mind could handle the truth, she started to heal.
Yes, that selfish man stole her childhood, her innocence, but she is not letting him control her life.
She is taking it back.
Is it hard? Yes. Does she still have struggles because of what happened? Yes. But she is not letting him
control her. Not anymore.
I love you so much little sister. I really don’t think you know how much. : )
~Chi
However the song was written from a third person's perspective-my perspective. I will tell you my side of the
story.
I tend to write my feelings into songs. If I’m mad or sad or in love I write about it. Now I don’t purposefully sit
down and concentrate on writing a song, the lyrics just happen naturally while I’m driving or contemplating life
while in the shower. This particular song came to me while I was doing laundry. My thoughts tend to wander
when I’m doing laundry. I started to think about my sister. Moments before I had been talking to her, I don’t
remember what about, but she was happy. We laughed and talked and it just made me realize how far my
sister has come since we found out what had happened to her so long ago. The words just started flowing so
I grabbed a pen.
The song was written to her perpetrator. I want him to know what he did to her.
He stole her innocence. But you know what, she’s taking it back.
I watched my little sister suffer for years. 6 years to be exact, from a monster that was invisible to her own
mind. She wasn’t able to process what had happened to her when she was just a child, so her 11 year old
mind decided to forget as a way of self preservation. Even though on the surface she wasn’t able to
remember the actual events that had taken place, her subconscious did. She was horribly depressed, spent
most days in her bedroom, and only listened to heavy metal music. I remember thinking that her eyes just
looked empty. Hollow. She had no personality. She pushed everyone away, everyone including me. I wasn’t
allowed in her room and if by chance I went in anyway, she bluntly told me to leave. She didn’t want to talk.
Ever. Honestly I don’t remember what she used to be like before.
Ever. Honestly I don’t remember what she used to be like before.
Before she was raped. Before she was suicidal. Before she was 11 years old.
It’s all kind of a haze. What that man did caused so much pain. She became a shell of herself.
The Doctors, the psychiatrists, the medications. Over the course of 6 years my parents did everything they
could to figure out what was going on with her. Nothing seemed to help. No one could give us an answer. It
all felt very Hopeless, Dark. Consuming.
We had to hide the knives just in case.
I prayed for years that we would be able to help Jacinta get better, and every time I prayed that prayer I
believed. Someday she would. Someday all the pain and not knowing would be in the past. But someday
seemed so far off. Until that day came.
The day she remembered.
She was 17. Five years ago somehow seems like it was yesterday.
I was looking through some old pictures awhile back and found one of her when she was about 11 years old.
She was so young. She was so innocent. I still see that little girl when I look at her today. But the truth is she
is a 22 year old woman. My little sister is strong. She is beautiful and smart and witty, she is loving and caring
and I am so glad that I got the chance to get to know her again.
Once she was finally at a place where her mind could handle the truth, she started to heal.
Yes, that selfish man stole her childhood, her innocence, but she is not letting him control her life.
She is taking it back.
Is it hard? Yes. Does she still have struggles because of what happened? Yes. But she is not letting him
control her. Not anymore.
I love you so much little sister. I really don’t think you know how much. : )
~Chi